We are Tara and Simon, the very proud parents of Ellie. Ellie was diagnosed with HIV in 2018 and we’ve been there to support her every step of the way.
When Ellie called to let us know she had been diagnosed with HIV, we jumped in the car and drove to her so we could be there to support her. At the time, the only knowledge we had about HIV was from the 80s when HIV was largely considered a death sentence. It was a scary time and we had so many questions. Is Ellie going to be ok? What will her future look like? Can she have children? We knew that we needed to educate ourselves if we wanted to help Ellie.
Simon remembered The Terrence Higgins Trust so while we were racing to get to Ellie, we gave them a call to get as much information as we could. In that moment, they gave us the knowledge we needed. Ellie was going to be ok, she would be able to have children without passing the virus on, and she would be able to live a healthy life.1,2
Our experience of being an ally is about being led by Ellie. We are there in whatever way she needs us to be. In the beginning, it was simply about being there for her and making sure she felt safe. It was about being on the other end of the phone, 24 hours a day if needed. Over time, the support Ellie needed evolved. Now, Ellie wants us to talk about HIV – loudly and proudly – and we’ve made that our mission.
We tell our friends, family and colleagues that anyone can get HIV, no matter your age, gender, sexuality or where you are from. We also tell them that people with HIV today are living healthy lives and that those on effective medication with undetectable levels of the virus cannot pass it on to sexual partners (U=U).3 Often when we share this information, we are met with surprise and confusion. So much of people’s knowledge of HIV is outdated, incorrect and based on what they heard during the 80s. We appreciate that before Ellie’s diagnosis, we fitted that description too. But, by educating ourselves, we've learned how to truly support our daughter, and we've seen firsthand how up to date knowledge transforms fear into understanding. When more people learn about HIV as it exists today, those newly diagnosed can face fewer barriers, less judgement and find more open arms than raised eyebrows.
I’m Drew. I’m a teacher, actor and I am Joshua’s partner. He is a former dancer, mental health advocate and he has been living with HIV since 2015.
Three years ago, I was scrolling through a dating app and saw this beautiful man. We went for coffee and, well, the rest is history!
When Joshua told me he had HIV, I wasn’t worried as I knew that people living with HIV can live healthy lives these days. But I wanted to know more about Undetectable equals Untransmittable (U=U). Joshua explained that someone living with HIV on effective medication, with undetectable levels of the virus, cannot pass it on to sexual partners.3 So even though I don’t have HIV, and Joshua does, we can have a happy and healthy intimate relationship and know that Joshua cannot pass HIV to me.3
I’m committed to supporting Joshua and the wider HIV community by always taking the opportunity to educate people around me about it. As a teacher, I educate my students about sexual health and this includes HIV. For many of my students it’s the first time they are hearing about it, so I’m always mindful of letting them know about U=U and that people living with HIV today are living well. I also emphasise that HIV does not discriminate – it can affect anyone, but that there are also ways to prevent HIV transmission through testing and prevention practices, such as using condoms or pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).6
When I’m talking to people from an older generation, I know I need to take a different approach because they are much more like to carry stigma with them from their experience during the 80s HIV epidemic. For me, as a professional educator, I take the view to never be offended with what people may initially think. I’m proud to be the person who can be the one to change their views and help them learn about living with HIV today.
Even if you aren’t a teacher, you can help by sharing accurate knowledge about HIV with people around you. Little by little, this will help to reduce the stigma around HIV, encourage testing and let others know it could impact them.
I’m Sarah, Harun’s close friend and ally.
Harun and I met through work about eight years ago and we quickly became great friends. It was at our work Christmas party that Harun told me that he had HIV. I had never, knowingly, met anyone who had HIV before. While initially I was shocked, my overriding reaction was my desire to show support and to be there for my new friend. That moment was the start of my journey to become an ally to Harun, as well as to the wider HIV community.
At the beginning, I’ll be honest, I didn’t know much about HIV. I didn’t know the right words to use, but Harun was there to help me. I took the time to do my own learning as well, being mindful not to burden Harun with educating me. I learnt that there are around 107,000 people living with HIV in the UK and that HIV diagnoses have been increasing since 20217 so it’s important that people are aware of the need to always have sex with condoms or other prevention tools.6 I also learned that people who are on effective treatment can not only expect to live healthy lives, but if they have undetectable levels of the virus in their blood, they can’t pass the virus on to sexual partners.3
Being Harun’s ally opened my eyes to the world of inclusion and diversity and helped me find the confidence to talk openly about HIV. It’s become a real passion of mine, and I now lead a number of initiatives at my work and take any opportunity I can to share what I know about HIV, challenge stigma and to dispel the harmful myths that still seem to exist. I think that's been a really valuable part of our friendship – how Harun’s life has impacted mine.
Being an ally also means you are there to listen, support and act with the same level of care and respect as you would with any friend. From the moment Harun told me he had HIV, I always wanted him to know I was in his corner, which is really the foundation of any friendship. I think being an ally is kind of like that, but also understanding the personal issues that they are facing. Harun has been my friend for many years and my view of him will never change. He knows I am always there if he needs to lean on me.
I’m Mark and I have a wonderful and happy family. I have been with my wife Yvonne for over 20 years and together we have one son. Yvonne has been living with HIV since 1998, and together we lead a life as regular as anyone else. We love, we fight, we laugh – we simply do life together.
When I found out that Yvonne had HIV, I was initially shocked, but my mind immediately jumped to ‘How can I support Yvonne?’ She had always been there for me, and I wanted to provide that support to her.
In the beginning, I threw myself into researching everything about HIV. I wanted to understand the condition, but I also wanted to make sure Yvonne had support beyond me and that she never felt isolated. I found some great community organisations that existed, where we could get external support and meet other people living with HIV. Although we had the facts about HIV, we found connection, emotional support and a shared understanding in the HIV community organisations in Manchester.
Yvonne now works within the community so she can give the same empathy, encouragement and sense of community that she found, to others, helping them to feel less isolated and more empowered to achieve their goals. She’s especially passionate about educating women with HIV about how they can build a family without passing the virus on.1
For me, being a good ally is about providing that emotional support from day one. It’s doing what you can to really understand what they may be feeling. Allyship is recognising, while one of you may have HIV and the other doesn’t, that you are both going through this together, side by side.
We have this huge, fantastic opportunity to stop the stigma and the transmission of HIV if we all try hard enough and spread the message of Undetectable equals Untransmittable (U=U) and that people with HIV can live a wonderful, healthy life.
Ellie Harrison